Who is attracted to borderline personality

Perhaps you've never felt romantically attracted to anyone, it could be a sign you might be…. If you were a scapegoat child, it may have felt like you were always wrong and to blame for everything in your family. Understand how to heal. Stonewalling and gaslighting are two tactics people use as defensive or offensive measures. Learn what they might look like. Ways to Deal with Resentment in a Relationship. Unhappy Marriage?

How to Survive and Thrive. Read this next. All About Operant Conditioning Operant condition can be used at work, home, and at school to shape and change the way you behave and react. Relationships do take two to tango after all. Eventually you can feel trapped. You reach a point where you bury your true self out of fears. All you want deep down is for the relationship to return to the good old days. A lot of people blame this on BPD. But there are other issues that both you and your partner are responsible for.

But the biggest problem overall is that you allowed yourself to become addicted. You fell under the spell. You lost your own sense of respect and worth. You might even see yourself as crazy. The solution is that you really need to be aware of the bigger picture. And this means never losing focus of yourself. Perhaps you never experienced the vast range of emotions that you find in people who have BPD. On one side, it can be great.

But on the other, there are serious issues lying beneath the surface. So when you get a man or a woman easily in the beginning, which is usually the case with the highly emotional relationships, the challenge of keeping this man or woman attracted to you takes over.

You almost like the back and forth game where the make-up sex is awesome. The problem is that eventually, the hot and cold game ends with your partner eventually leaving you for good. Keeping these relationships together becomes the ultimate challenge. Just getting your partner to like you for a day is a challenge in itself. The solution is to know yourself. This is very difficult for a lot of people to accomplish, especially if you have codependency.

But the reality is that this person has a lot of problems that run much deeper than just your current relationship. When you begin to feel that you can be responsible for your partner, you indirectly send a message that your partner is irresponsible — and this causes him or her to lose more and more interest in you. As I always say, you can only save yourself. The advice I always give in my coaching is to let these people deal with their own problems. You must have thick skin. Any time you bring emotions into the equation, logic goes out the window.

When you add in the fact that your partner is incredibly attractive and seductive, your emotions and hormones take over. All logic and sense is now gone. So the key here is emotional control , something I teach a lot since we all struggle with it.

Controlling your own reactions and understanding that relationships are much more than passion is the first step. Love makes people do really dumb things. But I also see it as human nature. I think the fact that humans have emotions is what separates us from all other species. You must be able to differentiate the two because love is something you give. Big mistake.

The best way to handle their problems is to not handle them at all. Relationships are not about helping your partner succeed in life.

Only we can push our own selves forward to improve. You must know yourself well. A simple story about how you came to believe a certain way is a great start. Show your partner that you believe in him or her. Then go back to doing your own thing.

And this is why we become addicted to people with BPD. They leave you waiting. They end at a high point. I never do these. What I typically do is I have an hour to spare. Enough time to grab ice cream or tacos or walk around town for a bit. Nothing cray. After an hour of having fun, I tell her that I got to get going.

Time flies by fast. After a few dates of doing this, feelings just organically develop. Give it a try. The opposite of being unpredictable is you always bending over backwards, always going with the flow, being passive and living in fear of what to do next. At the same time, understand that abuse of any kind is never excusable.

You must be willing to walk out the door when your partner is just not having a good day. But the most powerful thing you can do is leave at high points. Leave when everything is great. It then triggers their drama, causing them in many cases to give in to the original demand to hold onto what they have. However, there can be just as much turmoil created by the person with BDD. In their case, they can push the boundaries of a narcissist so far they decide to cut them off and move on, thinking they can do just as well with someone else.

They will often take their partner back, beginning the process all over again. You can book yours here. Skip to content. In the end there is no diagnosis, psychological test, text book, or article that can tell you what is right for you. Love comes down to something between two people.

You have to trust your instincts and limits, be honest with yourself, and be honest with the other person. Are you worried about your relationship? Feel you are always attracted to people who overwhelm you? Or try our new platform , and get in touch with therapists across the UK or who you can talk to from anywhere via Skype or phone.

Have a question still about borderline personality disorder relationships? Post in our comment box below. Note that comments are moderated and we do not allow spam or inappropriate content. Andrea Blundell is the lead writer and editor of this blog. She has studied coaching and person centred coaching.

Find her on Twitter. You are most welcome Anon, I am really glad you found it helpful and relatable that means a lot to us to hear. I am currently five months into dating someone with BPD.

A lot of insecurities and doubts about where it is going so far. Flipping the implied question like that. Thank you. Great article. Yes the internal fellings sure, but the behaviours so many sites matched up with those feelings was definitely not me. The link between the 3 is actually quite interesting.

Thanks again. Yes, the link is VERY interesting. What we really need to do as a society is stop childhood trauma at its root. Sadly it is never being done. Outstanding article! I have made mistakes by engaging in arguments and disagreement that have only made things worst.

I do have a question however. How long does it take generally for a person with BPD to return to a normal state of mind? And what can I do to convince her that I am not the person that she sometimes accuse me of being? I love my wife very very much and I plan on spending the rest of my life with her. She has told me that she loves me no matter what and I love her the same!

Help me please to understand. Hi there. First of all, is she seeking therapy?